Just Another Manic Tuesday

Call me insane. I tried to kill my self last night because of Ralph Jhonel. It was the first time I cried that hard that I almost attempted to harm my self. It wasn't going to be the first time I'm hurting my self because of him though. On January 31st, at around 4o'clock in the morning, I cut my wrist (the left one, just to be precise), spelling out "I LOVE U RALPH", just because I was feeling bad about my self that I was being pathetic to get Ralph Jhonel too angry towards me. Now that's insane!

Last night was another story. I was really hurt and my system cannot take it anymore. I burst out with tears every-so-often that I remember how Ralph Jhonel did ignore me for the nth time. I was really, really upset and I cry my heart out. I initially thought about the razor blade I'm keeping. I even already sent him my supposed-to-be famous last words through text, saying, "If I die tonight, always remember I love you and I'm sorry for what I've done. Bye Photskie."

Sometimes, it pays to be coward. Good thing I only half-heartedly want to suddenly leave. Ralph Jhonel and I got better during the dawn this morning. I realized I was expecting to go to heaven when my heaven is actually here on earth all along. How can I think of taking my life when my life is him. Ralph Jhonel, a.k.a. my heaven, my life. Here on earth is where I'm supposed to be. Because he's here. He brings me to heaven with just a single smile. He makes my life worth living. My heaven, my life. I couldn't really ask for more.