The Saint is Coming

The time is ticking. Every single day just passes by in a flash. You get out of the bed in the morning, you go to the bathroom to wash your face and when you get out, it's already bedtime.It feels like everyday's in fast-forward. I take drags on my Marlboro each night in frustration, because I know that Holloween is fast approaching. Holloween, the day I wish could be way too far ahead from today. The occasion I am least waiting for this year.
"What's up with Holloween?", you mught ask. It's the occasion I usually prepare for aside from my birthday and Christmas. And I actually had my costume made last August just in case someone give me invites for costume parties. I'll be wearing a gothic outfit and a pair of black wings. I'll have my hair curled and my feet bare. My lips will be painted with blood-red lipstick and my eyes will have black eyeshaddows and heavy eyeliners. I'm going to call it the "Solitary Angel Look". But, the truth is, I am hardly excited for Holloween this particular year. And if only there's a possible way, I'd have it canceled for 2007 or at least have it postponed.
My bestfriend, Jeff Mariano, always knew how desperate I am to find a new partner. "Do you plan on having a new boyfriend? It's been six months since you broke-up with Lenard.", I remember him ask on the night of my birthday. I confessed I am having hard time looking for one, and that I am starting to lose hope. He told me I don't actually have to look for the right guy, he said all I have to do is to wait for the right time. But I thought I had been waiting all my life, and I am getting old. I told him I am running out of patience, that I can't wait any longer, that I am giving up. But he's been too eager to insist that it's not too late, so I gave in. Only, in one condition. I set a deadline searching for a guy to replace my ex-boyfriend, and the deadline is the Holloween of 2007. And so it was a deal.
Time flew by so quickly. Days passed, turned into weeks, and weeks turned to months. It's September all of a sudden. Next month's the deadline, and I still ain't got a new guy. I know I'm going to be so dead. Holloween feels like the end of the world for me. Tuesday's doomsday. The Alpha of my Omega.
The time continues to tick and it won't get to a halt. I'm running out of time. Now I know how Cinderella felt like having a curfew. Cinderella had to go home before midnight and I have to find my prince charming before Holloween. Because if not, Cinderella will transform into a poor girl all over again and I will be "The Solitary Angel" forever.

When We Die

If there's one friend who stands out of all the bunch of friends I have, I'd say it's Rein. She ain't my BFF, but She's the most special friend I have.

Being my twin's bestfriend, or "charm" like how they call each other, I once had an ill feeling for her just because I thought she's going to take away my twin from me. I used to find myself feeling jealous whenever Rein and Frankie, my twin, are together. But I soon realized that maybe, Rein's the one who's going to take charge of looking after Frankie when I can't be there. So I learned to just be happy for them both. And, thankfully, my efforts paid off. She's doing a good job performing the role of Frankie's BFF and I couldn't ask for more.

I can't help but to feel guilty for the things I did to hurt Rein. I hurt her big time. I know I run over her feelings when I confessed about being in love with JC, her boyfriend. And the fact that she didn't argued and just understood makes me feel blameworthy. I know I had been so stupid to hurt her more when I sent JC that stupid message on Friendster last month. And now, I really feel ashamed for having her mortified again, and for taking advantage of her being so much understanding. I want to disapparate whenever she's around. I want to break into tears everytime she calls me "tol", because I know I'm not worthy of that. Everytime she smiles at me, I would have the need of a huge amount of courage to smile back because I think she's not worthy of a smile from a back-stabbing bitch like me.

I know I'm giving her a hard time. So I asked her to just avoid me for I think it's what I deserve. But I want us to keep our friendship forever, even if I'm being too ambitious to want it. I want to tell her that I really am sorry and that I promise I'll never hurt her again.

I know that we're gonna be fine. And that the tattooed mistakes all could fade eventually. But things'll never be the same. I can put back all the pieces, they just might not fit the same. Our friendship's future is uncertain. But I promise, tol, I'll do everything just to win our friendship back. When that time comes, I'll do my best to be your perfect friend. Maybe not perfect in it's truest sense, just perfect for you at least.