He F*cking Hates Me

"What things should I tell Ralph Jhonel to make him transform back to his old self?" I found my self asking to Frankie out of nowhere. "I already tried everything."

That's true. I tried everything I could just to win our friendship back, but nothing really worked. I text, tried to call, sent a letter, but the distance between us won't get any closer. It's really frustrating. It's killing me.

I can't really think of a possible reason why he's doing this to me. That's what makes it more frustrating and harder to make amends. How can I ever make things right if I don't even know what went wrong in the first place? You don't have an idea how hard it is for me to try to analyze the previous events Ralph Jhonel and I went through just to extract anything that could possibly trigger to this current situation. Did I get him upset? Did I say -- or do -- something wrong? I really don't know.

I so badly want to initiate reconciliation, but how can I do so if he won't even give a damn about me? I'm not sure he's going to refuse to reconcile with me. It's not that my self-esteem is low, it's just that Ralph Jhonel has never been like this to me before. He must be really upset to turn his back to me just that.

"He f*cking hates me!" I used to tell my self. Now I think it was a prophecy. Maybe this is my destiny; to live my life without Ralph Jhonel. To see him but can't touch. He feels so far away, and won't come any closer. Maybe this is the real "Tuesday's doomsday", the end of me -- and my dreams. Is it time to wake up from this and accept that I am doomed? He f*cking hates me, but it doesn't mean I have to forget about him. I love him. I so f*cking do. I love Ralph Jhonel so much, and that's the only thing I am holding on to.