My Infamous Extemporaneous Speech

I was really hesitant the time they asked me to compete for the extemporaneous speech as a part of my college's cultural week event. I am not really keen at speaking in front of a crowd but I agreed anyway. Of course I'm not turning MACCS down, not after I refused to dance for them for the competition of the year during our acquaintance party last month. So I ended up consulting Google and Wikipedia the next few days for some tips on how to deliver a speech properly and some current events for ideas to rehearse with. But I guess life always have it's own middle finger aimed on me; some other distracting things occurred beyond my control and I lost track reviewing. It was really difficult to do this and do that and do something else all at the same time. Days passed by and before I knew it, the competition was just a few days ahead. With an utter dismay, I panicked. I went through the internet and newspapers trying to gather and store as much informations as my cognitive functions can possibly acquire. It was impossible! I tried the television too, but it failed me. It gave me the "major major" problem instead. 24 Oras was showing some news on -- to my horror -- politics. POLITICS! God knows how freaked out I was. What do I know about politics? I mean, what's interesting about it in the first place?

"I was rehearsing for the extemporaneous speech and I suddenly realized, if the question is going to be about politics then I am going to be so dead!" I told Ms. Alejandro and Ms. Villavicencio through SMS. I was not expecting them to help me anyway because that's not fair. What I did was I added politics in my review. Man, I was hardly interested so I gave up getting informations about politics and focused on current events and economy and tourism as I thought these things matter the most nowadays. And everything went on smoothly.

The night before the big day, I barely slept. I was thinking about the next day -- the day I am least excited about. It was the day of the infamous extemporaneous speech competetion. I checked the internet first thing in the morning, I was hoping to find fresh news because maybe it's going to be helpful. I found nothing but news about the Manila hostage drama and the Miss Universe pageant. I did not bother turning the tv on. I was having the feeling that I'm only going to see the same things.

On the way to my college, my heart was thumping real hard like rabbit in my chest. The closer I get, the more I get nervous. I entered in the campus and tried my best to look calm and confident with the best that I can. A student-committee handed me a piece of a round card bearing number 7. I thought it's a lucky number and I was feeling lucky being the 7th contestant to perform. Few moments later, the student-committee said I was next and handed me the small piece of paper and I instantly knew that the question was in it. With trembling hands, I slowly unfolded the paper and read.

"How can you attain unity knowing that there is diversity in culture?"

I froze. I read it twice more before the words registered in my over-used mind. I smiled, thinking it was just a piece of cake. Ideas started to go in my conciousness from all directions. I did a mental rehearsal of what I was about to say. Everything was alright. We were given only 3 minutes to prepare yet I managed to think of lots to say. And then it was my turn.

I suddenly felt extremely nervous as I stood in front of the judges and the audience. After I took a huge, deep breath I started to speak. My perfomance was unswerving but somewhere in the 2nd minute, I found my self lost for words.

"Shit!", I was cursing under my breath for God knows how many times as panic started to set in. I went blah-blah-blah one moment and then my lips will be sealed tighter than a clam's shell the next, and that went on repeatedly in the next two minutes. The judges were all staring at me and I was thinking they were the most hostile of people. They must be thinking that I was not at all prepared and that I am dumb. They might be thinking I was an ambitious creature, joining in a brain versus brain battle and I can't even juice out a good thought from my brain. If they only knew that ideas were overflowing in my head minutes ago and that I just suddenly can't put them to words.

My heart leaps when the time keeper raised the "4 mins" sign, it was such a relief because the minimum speech delivery time is 4 minutes. I spent a good 5 seconds more before finally giving up.

"I'm sorry!" I mouthed to Ms. Villavicencio as she was eyeing me to my exit. She smiled. I felt bad I failed the people who always believe in what I can possibly do. My org-mates asked if I did well as soon as I stepped out and I told them the truth and felt worse. I was supposed to be their extemp hero but apparently when the going got too tough, the tough did not get going -- or was I even tough like what I always thought I am?

My self-esteem started to deflate a little since, but I'm not the kind who quits and ends just there. I know I can be good with other things, like writing nonsensical blog entries like this maybe. I guess, for now, I have to try to excel in a lot of other things just to save my ass from that self-inflicted shame. Not to mention, regain that little piece of confidence I lose.