Countdown to Tuesday's Doomsday

"10... 9... 8... 7..." He started the countdown. I've been planning for this over the weekend, and now it finally took place.

"6... 5... 4... 3... 2..." He went on.

"Stop!" I cut him just before the last number of the countdown.

Everything happened accordingly, it is everything I've planned for. But I can't seem to appreciate the fact that our friendship starts to fall apart (and to think this friendship has not even started yet). God knows it is really hard for me to bring my self there and come-up to him for a little talk. But I somehow found the guts to initiate my action. And everything else just fell into place.

This is the only way we are better. Or at least, that's the only idea that's forever coming-up in my consciousness everytime I try to analyze this f*cking problem. This is the reality. But truth always hurts, and reality really bites. And I've learned to live with the notion that I will NEVER be appreciated by anyone ever, the way I want to be appreciated. And what happened last week at Rene's was the biggest proof of it.

I was staring blankly at the white board in our Communication Skills class this morning while Mr. Guinto drags on with some subjective, objective and possessive forms of pronouns, when I heard him called my name which startled me.

"Tuesday!" Mr. Guinto's voice broke into my reverie. "Can you give me an example of sentence using the word 'he'?"

I stood up and said, "He breaks my heart.", before I even realize what I was saying.

"Very good!" My proffessor acknowledged my answer. And after some few more minutes, he called me again and said, "Give me an example of a sentence using the pronoun 'it'."

It makes me feel jealous. Those words kept repeating in my mind. It makes me feel jealous.

"It..." I started. But I found my self out of words. "It... Ahm... It makes..." It was the first time I doubted about my answer. "It makes me..." I went on.

"It makes me think." Now that was a safe thing to say, thankyouverymuch!

I sat down and thought. What is it that I am jealous about? And I realized, it was that yellow teddy I think Jefferson gave his girlfriend the other day.

I promised Ralph Jhonel that I'm never going to love anybody anymore if it isn't for him. But now, it turned out to be a lie. So as for now, I'm planning on complying to that promise. I want to keep my distance from Jefferson just to make things less complicated. I don't want to be his friend anymore because I know I'm going to give him the hardest times. I just don't want to make his life a miserable one. And the only way I know to avoid it is to leave him alone. All he have to do is to say "one", and it's official. Just the word "one" and I'd be out of the way.