Why do some people hurt themselves when they feel depressed? I'm not saying that I don't do that, the truth is I actually ask this question for myself. I know it's not normal to make yourself suffer for the things that you are incapable of, like having someone love you. There were times I pierced myself just to make me feel better. Maybe to punish myself for I can't do things right. Some people might say that those who hurt themselves are freaks. But as for me, hurting yourself sometimes helps in a way or another. It must be our way of making ourselves realize that people should not always put blames on others, that sometimes we have to admit we did wrong. That's why we sometimes have to teach ourselves lessons. Hate can be a positive emotion when it forces you to make yourself better anyway.
But I know I won't go beyond piercing my own flesh. I know I am -- still -- sane enough not to think of cutting my wrists, like what other people do.
My bestfriend, Carlo (not his real name), once cut his wrist because he and his girlfriend had a fight. I realized how life could be gone in an instant, that you could have someone one moment and the next be gone forever. It showed me that depressions can actually lead to bad -- if not worse -- behaviors. Good thing he didn't died of that. But, at least he learned that there are better things in life than that stupid relationship he had.
There was that one night I caught myself staring to my reflection in the mirror. I saw myself there, piercings everywhere, hair cut very short, heavy eyeliners painted on. I pitied myself and actually cried. A real hot, uncontrollable tears streamed from my eyes. I asked my reflection, "Why do I do this to myself?". And maybe I know the answer. Maybe -- just maybe -- these piercings are reminders that I should never do the same mistakes I once made. I've learned my lessons, and because of these needles hooked on my flesh, I know I'll never forget them. And learn from them still.
