I'm getting more and more bothered everyday. I'm afraid of this feeling. I'm afraid of the uncertainties that lies ahead of me. This feeling, the one I'm having since the first time I met him, is the same feeling that makes me want to go on. To keep holding on. He's my inspiration. But he wouldn't give a damn. I don't expect something in return, I suppose he's aware of that. All I just want is for him -- and for the people around us -- to let me stay in this way. I mean, I already contented myself with the thought of being just a friend only because that's what he wants and who am I to complain, right? What he don't know is that I am still wanting him so bad. I love him. So much as a matter of fact. And I know that no one needs him more than I do. I'd bet the farm, not even the girlfriend. I mean, why would I cry every night if I don't want him beside me? Why is it that my idea of heaven is being with him if I believe we're better off as friends?
Maybe it's true that I'm deep. Too unfathomable to get ignored. Am I misleading people from my true feelings just because I don't tell them I'm dying inside? The truth of the matter is, I want to scream at the top of my lungs to let them know what's inside of me. That if they yank away my hair and peel-off my clothes, nothing would be left of me. My heart is so isolated since the last nine months. And I never had someone to occupy that emptiness since. But that's just fine, as long as he's going to say he'll be there in the of my dreams. Or am I just letting myself hope for the hardly anticipated again and get gurt once more in the end. But as for me, he can keep on hurting me and I'll keep loving him in exchange. For, after all, I just told him I love him. And never did I asked himto love me back.