60 Seconds To Full Solitude

I wonder if you are also thinking of me at this very moment. Did I ever cross your mind since the last time you walked out of my door? Do you remember how tightly I had my arms around you as if I won't ever let go? That was the happiest moment of my life. My idea of heaven. The eventuality of my dreams. We stayed that way all night. We talked about your dreams and I listened carefully, afraid that I might miss a word and fail to know more about you. You kept talking and I was there, staring to your face as if to memorize every details. Your face, my favorite sight in the world. Do you have an idea how handsome you are? I stared to your eyes, and smiled for I realized it was the closest our faces has ever been. I stared still and all I can hear was your voice. I thanked God we're together. I'm so lucky to have found you.

Do you remember I told you that I love your hands? I confessed I find them small and cute. And then you raised your hand and we stared at it in all admiration for what seemed like forever. I held it in mine, and you didn't mind. I hope you know that you make me happy. You make me feel special. You're the reason why I smile involuntarily each and every so often. Do you know I love you so? Those three words I said so much, but not enough. I can never make you mine though I try. The world is against us. Those people I always thought would be happy seeing us together are the same people keeping us in such unbearable distance. They told me I should not let myself fall for you. So that's what I do as I have no choice.

I'm sorry I can't fight for you. How can I fight for someone who's never even mine? You belong to someone else, I am fully aware of that. And I know I have no rights to argue about my love for you. Those people against us ma be right all along, that everything's going to be less complicated if I keep my distance from you.

But don't think I enjoy these things. You should know it kills me inside with torture. The moment I let you off my embrace, I knew by instinct that I'm going to miss you terribly. That's the reason why I asked for another minute to hug you. Thanks for giving me that one last minute for me to have you in my arms. That was the longest 60 seconds of my life.

1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... You counted every seconds with me. A memory of how I met you flashed back to me. It was the 15th of September 2007. The night was dull and then, there you were like a knight in shining armor. I knew right then and there, you were going to be special.

8... 9... 10... 11... 12... 13... 14... 15... Remember when I told you I like you? And that I don't ask for something in return. I still feel the same. But don't worry, I still won't ask you to feel the same for me.

16... 17... 18... 19... 20... 21... Do you realize how happy you make me feel whenever you call my name? Because finally, I am no stranger to you. Everytime you say my name, it makes me like my name more.

22... 23... 24... 25... 26... I have a confession to make, I secretly call you "Mine".

27... 28... 29... 30... And that I kissed your ear while you were asleep.

31... 32... 33... 34... 35... 36... I always thought I got you where I want you.

37... 38... 39... 40... Now I must let you go. I hate to do this and I know I'm going to regret this for the life of me.

41... 42... 43... I love you. I'm glad I didn't died before I met you.

44... 45... 46... 47... I'll remember your smile. And your voice. And your face, and how you look like in the morning. The way your hand fits in my hands. And that last hug that I had that night when I was wasted and you carried me and brought me home and tucked me in my bed.

48... 49... 50... 51... 52... I'll keep you in me. Don't worry about me. Don't be bothered when I cry.

53... 54... 55... 56... 57... I want you to take care of yourself. I want the best for you. I hope someday I can hug you again, if I can I will hug you the tightest and won't ever let you go.

58... 59... 60... I love you, Mine!