When We Die

If there's one friend who stands out of all the bunch of friends I have, I'd say it's Rein. She ain't my BFF, but She's the most special friend I have.

Being my twin's bestfriend, or "charm" like how they call each other, I once had an ill feeling for her just because I thought she's going to take away my twin from me. I used to find myself feeling jealous whenever Rein and Frankie, my twin, are together. But I soon realized that maybe, Rein's the one who's going to take charge of looking after Frankie when I can't be there. So I learned to just be happy for them both. And, thankfully, my efforts paid off. She's doing a good job performing the role of Frankie's BFF and I couldn't ask for more.

I can't help but to feel guilty for the things I did to hurt Rein. I hurt her big time. I know I run over her feelings when I confessed about being in love with JC, her boyfriend. And the fact that she didn't argued and just understood makes me feel blameworthy. I know I had been so stupid to hurt her more when I sent JC that stupid message on Friendster last month. And now, I really feel ashamed for having her mortified again, and for taking advantage of her being so much understanding. I want to disapparate whenever she's around. I want to break into tears everytime she calls me "tol", because I know I'm not worthy of that. Everytime she smiles at me, I would have the need of a huge amount of courage to smile back because I think she's not worthy of a smile from a back-stabbing bitch like me.

I know I'm giving her a hard time. So I asked her to just avoid me for I think it's what I deserve. But I want us to keep our friendship forever, even if I'm being too ambitious to want it. I want to tell her that I really am sorry and that I promise I'll never hurt her again.

I know that we're gonna be fine. And that the tattooed mistakes all could fade eventually. But things'll never be the same. I can put back all the pieces, they just might not fit the same. Our friendship's future is uncertain. But I promise, tol, I'll do everything just to win our friendship back. When that time comes, I'll do my best to be your perfect friend. Maybe not perfect in it's truest sense, just perfect for you at least.