Cue: Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off by Panic! At the Disco
If it is true that the violin is the most perfect of musical instruments, then loving the guy is the violin of my thoughts. It may not be perfect in it's truest sense, at least it feels perfect for me.
Such a lovely statement to say for an intro. Who would've thought I am in the middle of a huge dilemma right at this very moment. Never in my whole, damned life had I envisioned myself having this strong feeling for a guy. And did I forgot to tell you that I have to pretend that I don't feel that way anymore? -- Let us all groan!
People who think all sensations reach us through our brains may have forgotten that my whole body is alive and that includes my heart. I have feelings too, I guess I ought to let you know. I smile, that's true, but sometimes I have to force a smile just to please everybody. Because behind those smiles are pieces of a broken heart inside. Those fake smiles, my other means of telling a lie, are most reliable especially in the condition around me. Don't get me wrong, those lies are what I refer to as "white lies". I lie so I can't hurt others, but my own self. Maybe I lie an awful lot, I even get to fool myself.
OK. I do not plan on telling everybody about this lie I'm having. Not the ones I might run-over the feelings with, at least. I know they wouldn't want to discover such secrets. It's better to be hurt myself than to get those people hurt because of my foolishness. So I take the tears. As I lay in my bed at night, I would weep as I hope few people have to weep. I would feel damned, I would imagine I should die before morning, and the thought would comfort me.
There are times I feel obsessed. I even snatched some of his new photos posted on his Friendster and I plan on having them printed so I can keep them inside my wallet. I also kept the wrapper of the candy he gave me before, inside my memory-box. It was the first thing he gave me. I mean, he gave me this necklace which I didn't wore-off since he let me have it, but I had to give him my Zero trucker cap in exchange. So I consider the candy the first thing he gave. He said, Geek in the Pink by Jason Mraz is his song for meand I liked the song since. And now I'm thinking I'm going to be a stalker any moment now. There are days when the attention I must not give breaks my spirit, and the thought that I must spend my time in solitude, while in the world with those people I have to deal with, makes me rebellious; but I know I'll soon recover my grip and just laugh the discontent out of my heart. For, after all, everyone who wishes to gain true love must climb the Hill Difficulty alone, and since there is no royal road to the summit, I must zigzag it in my own way. I'llslip back many times, I'll fall, I'll stand still, I'll run against hidden obstacles, I'll lose my temper and find it again and keep it better, I'll trudge on, I'll gain a little, I'll feel couraged, I'll get more eager and climb higher and will begin to see the widening horizon. Every struggle will be a victory. One more effort and I know I'll find true love. But in the meantime, I'll just keep on waiting. I'll keep on lying, although I find it really exhausting. Lying sucks! Maybe Panic! At the Disco got the wrong impression about it after all.
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